I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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