Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
