DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize