is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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