if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
