She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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