I can't breathe out the right side of my face
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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