We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
