I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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