I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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