I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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