Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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