Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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