you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
