somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It's shark week go big or go home
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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