I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
