Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
