I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
