I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
