theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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