u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
