so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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