Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
