The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
