I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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