called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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