burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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