he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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