im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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