Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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