Christians are straight up FREAKS
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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