You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
