cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
