I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I love having hate sex.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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