Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
and she was petting her beer can
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
