I want you more than these girls want KFC
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
