Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
