Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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