Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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