The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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