Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
another moral hangover. fuck.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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