The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
