walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
