You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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