Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I know her cup size but not her name....
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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