don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
