Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
