i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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