Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
No subtext here. People are naked.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
