Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
